Greg Swann challenges me, directly or indirectly, every time I go over to his blog. This time, he's taking Dr. Helen's challenge to name 5 reasons for a man to get married.
I crossed that bridge 10 years ago, so, I'm taking a slightly different approach. Personally, I have a different take on marriage the Greg. I believe that the purpose of a marriage is procreation. I understand why people might want to be married without the desire for kids, but, personally, I don't think marriage is necessary without the possibility of progeny.
Here are the five reasons why I'm glad that I am married.
1. Kids: This could be all I need, 1 to 5 right here. I truly think that having children is the highest expression of splendor available to humanity, sorry Greg. Every time I come home to see cheering faces expressing my own genes back to me, I thank the natural world from which I was spawned for this magical feeling. Having kids of one's own - just paused to get a massive, good-night hug from my younger of two, wow - is the greatest source of joy in my life. It really ties my heart to my neighbourhood. I have a connection to the future that wouldn't be possible.
Giving my children a stable family, based on a loving relationship between the two people with whom they share the greatest likeness in appearance and behaviour is, to use Mr. Swann's word again, absolute splendor.
2. Confidence: The non-denominational minister* who married us said something when I mentioned that my career wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be yet. He said, "Wait until you have your wife by your side supporting you. She'll give you the confidence you need to walk into an interview and land any job you want." There was some truth to that prediction. My wife is all the support group I'll ever need.
*I'm atheist, but when we met this man, who was recommended by the wedding venue management, we knew that he'd be just fine. He was funny, agreed not to say anything religious and it just saved our devout parents feelings somewhat. I'll never forget his booming voice proclaiming that we have forged a bond so mighty that "nothing on this earth can blow asunder!"
3. Devotion: Knowing someone will do what she can to help me achieve my own desires within this partnership. I am also bound to do what I can so that she can achieve her own desires. Luckily, we found each other and realized that our desires were aligned enough to agree to the contract. Marriage is a 1 for 1 deal. Each of us has given ourselves completely, 100% to the other. It's a big responsibility to accept another person completely and requires reciprocal, complete, devotion. We don't quibble over household chores. We each do what needs to be done to the best of our abilities and get on with our lives.
4. Challenge/Responsibility: The expectation to hold up your end of the deal keeps you focused on what matters. Sharing the responsibility of heading an organization devoted to supporting the health and happiness each other above all else is a feeling like none other.
5. Efficiency: Of course, I think about what would have happened if I hadn't gotten married and lived the bachelor life of some of my friends. The freedom I would have had in my career and finances might have been enjoyable and made things a lot easier. Would I be sitting here in front of my computer tonight or would I have been out seeing live music, on a fishing trip or visiting an exotic city. But the wealth I have attained now would be unattainable - no magical hugs, coaching youth sports or investment in the next generation. Considering the effort expended to obtain, grow and maintain this wealth, I need the efficiency that a marriage brings by sharing work load, doubling income and sharing of imaginations.
Knowing what I know now, I can't recommend marriage for every man. I believe that most men don't understand the risks and don't know enough about women and human nature to enter a marriage contract.
I lucked into a good marriage, because, I accurately assessed the quality of my wife's character when I decided to get married (and she must have seen something in me I didn't realize I had). Once I learned about female hypergamy, game and the other "red pill" truths, I realized what it took to be a strong husband in a good marriage and happiness flourished.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Greg Swann goaded me into speaking again. Truth be told, I've been feeling guilty about all of the loose ends I haven't tied. I have unfinished posts about rape and the rational human mind that need to be posted, but, they're not easily completed.
I've been thinking a great deal about pride lately, since reading and digesting Greg's excellent e-book Man Alive and what it says about egoism. I realized that fostering pride in youth is important because it is pride in oneself that helps us avoid bad decisions. Pride helps one resist harmful temptations. When I read the post that Greg's tweet was referring to, I realized that pride works right into that subject. I wrote the following comment there, incorporating the concept of pride:
Boys need something that they can feel good about. Mastering the kick-flip is a reason to feel proud. It gives you membership to the kick-flip club. You're inspiring others who now look up to you. You get cred from those who are already in it. You're bringing your own style to the move and expressing yourself to this society, earning a unique spot in the hierarchy.
In Dogtown and Z-boys, technical prowess was highly prized, but it was nothing without good style. You couldn't look like a dork on the board and hang with them, even if you were a good skater.
Boarders are creating their own world. It's come a long way from its subversive, anarchic beginnings, but, it has kept its rebellious nature. It burst forth from the streets to demand acceptance. Skate parks were built to contain and disperse its energy.
The question is, what is the boy looking for when he makes his way to the skate park? He is looking for something he can take pride in. Meaningful pride, not the fake "self-esteem" they manufacture at school. Pride is meaningful when it can be expressed outwardly, when the source of pride can be demonstrated. Self esteem is inward, feminine. It's the image one has of oneself. Pride is affected by how others view you. There's nothing worse than the poseur with false pride, the guy that acts the part but can't back it up. Skate parks obliterate that.
In the older days, everyone played baseball. Kids hung out at the diamond and played pick up. Bikes were utilitarian. No bar spins. No jumps. No bunny hops. No half pipes. My father used to put is .22 over the handlebars and ride out to his favourite bush for some rabbit. Riding home with dinner hanging over the handlebars gave him a sense of pride like no other. He understands pride. He may not understand skateboarding, but, he knows why it exists.
Boys today aren't allowed to feel proud of themselves. Pride is masculine. Boys being proud are shamed for the "sins" of their fathers. The masculine has been demonized, poisoned. Masculine pride is sullied by its supposed connection to the patriarchy.You want to be a proud father and husband, you're proud to be an oppressor. Proud to be part of a system that abused and enslaved women.
Skating rolls right around all that bullshit. Its as artistic as painting. It's a dance with no partner. A sport with no rules. No one gives a fuck where you're from or what you think. Land that trick and you're cool. You're allowed to be proud.
Pride is not a negative trait. It's essential for a person to make good decisions. When every action is first acted upon oneself, only a proud person can be counted on not to commit malicious acts against others. Want to prevent rape? Want to reduce bullying? Want to reduce suicide. Foster pride. Foster pride by self-expression and self-determination.
Want good men? Pride will turn more boys into good men. Men who can stand alone and be admired by women.
Who knows? Prideful men might even inspire women to show develop some pride.